Helping or Hurting ?

Helping or hurting? (giving positive energy)

Besides family, the only other people who share our joy and sorrow are our friends. Friends are there when you need them and always know what to say or do when you’re feeling blue. Similarly, when your friend needs you, you are always there to offer your love and compassion in times of need.

Giving and taking advice from a friend is something every human being does. But sometimes without even knowing it, you could be hurting your friend more than helping him or her.

If you need to be there for your friend, you should with everything you have. But at the same time don’t feed your friend’s insecurities and problems.

Just because you are there for someone, does not mean they have to stop being there for themselves. When you are being supportive of a friend, read on to know what you should not be doing because you might be hurting them rather than helping them:

DO YOUR OWN WORK

The best way for any individual to help him or herself is to do it on their own. However, this does not mean you just let your friend go and ask them to sort out their own problems. Give him or her a helping hand but don’t take on their burden and make it your own. Besides, if you are always doing things for your friends that he or she should be doing on their own, you are being more of a doormat rather than a helping hand. So offer help when it is needed and don’t become a baby sitter to him or her, be there for them in a mature manner.

DISCOURAGE CRYING

If a friend is feeling sad and starts to cry, very often you might get carried away and decide to share their sorrow by becoming a cry baby yourself. This is definitely not a healthy way to help someone. If your friend is upset about something to such an extent, that he or she is actually led to tears, don’t sit and cry with them. You friend is depending on you to be the strong person. You need to gather your courage and try to stop your friend from crying and not join in the wailing.

BE HONEST

Sometimes, you might get so carried away with trying to make your friend feel better, that you tell him or her exactly what they need to hear, whether or not it is the truth. If you are lying to your friends about facts just to make them feel better, stop yourself. As hard as it maybe, you need to always be honest with your friend. If they are in denial about something, it will be up to you to make sure they see reality and not live in an illusion. So be straightforward but do it gently. Lying to your friend will make thing worse for him or her because they will actually believe everything you say. So choose your words carefully.

NOT ABOUT YOU

If your friend is sad about something and has come to you with his or her problem, listen to them and focus on what he or she is trying to communicate. Don’t start about your problems and tell your friend about what issues you have. It is obvious that your friend has come to you because they want to share their troubles and the last thing anyone would want, is for you to go on and on about your petty issues instead of listening to what they are suffering from. Yes, if you are going through a serious crisis of your own, then go ahead and vent. But if it is something that can wait, then pay attention to your friends first.

DON’T GOSSIP

The biggest no-no when it comes to being there for someone is not to tell anyone else about what happened between you and your friend. Your friend came to you and confided in you and if you go around telling the entire world their personal lives’ details — well you might just end up losing your friend. No one will trust you enough to share their personal life with you. You must always respect your friends’ privacy.

A true friend is hard to find, so, if you have one be there for him or her and don’t do any of the above.

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Wanna get over your Unforgettable Ex?

Are you having a hard time holding your life together while your ex is having the time of their life? Check out these zany ways to get the ball back onto your court! And psst... did anyone say revenge!

Things you should do to get over your Ex

Yeah, yeah... we all know your part of the story. You were so in love and your ex was the only person in the whole world that mattered to you. And now, your heart is split into two and you don't think you can last a minute without that person by your side.
But have you realised something? Your sweet 'ol mate is having fun, loads of fun.
The break-up hasn't bothered your ex much, and they've moved on. If it really was mutual love till the last breath of the relationship, then why did your ex actually walk out on you? And why are you the one who seems to be suffering. Now maybe it was mutual, but most mutual break-ups don't hurt much. So if your heart aches, then it's probably because you're still in love with you ex.

1. Get it to definitely end
First things first, you know you've broken up. How? Your partner has probably told you something like “…hey, I think we can't go on, it's just hard. I still like you a lot though… but I'm really sorry…” You know what, lines like those are the reason why your heart aches. Soft words make you feel like there could still be a chance for the both of you, maybe even in the far future, and you end up thinking about your old love over and over again.
What you need is a clear answer that they want to break up with you because they've had enough with you. Try getting those words out of their mouth, and you'd feel a lot better, even if it hurts initially. Give them an opportunity to yell that they hate you, and never want to see you in their lives again. Believe me, that's a better option than dancing on hot coals trying to decide if your old mate is still in love with you or not.

2. No sad, sappy songs
Logical thought, this one. Music has a huge amount of control over human emotions, and there are few things that can immediately change a person's mood as effectively as music. If a sad song comes on the radio, tune it to a more upbeat one. If a song that was special to you and your ex comes on, turn it off or throw the player out of your window.
You may find a weird sort of satisfaction by making yourself sad, but that's really stupid. Grow up and learn to control your emotions, however hard it may seem. Force yourself to listen to fun, exhilarating music instead of sad, sappy ones. Now that's a good way to start the healing.

3. Shove alcohol aside
No alcohol at all. It's easy to drown your sorrows in deep coloured intoxicating liquids. It may help you forget your ex for a few hours, or you may even end up crying over it with the bottle in your hands.
But the worst part comes in the morning, when you get up with a splitting headache, a lousy feeling in your stomach, depressions, and a totally miserable and painful heartache. This will only make you feel worse and helpless, and right now, you need to feel like you're in total control of your life.

4. Lose all contact
Remember, after your true undying love has come to an end, you have to break all contact with your ex or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write them mushy e-mail. Don't send packages or CD's. Don't dedicate a song to your ex on the radio, in an effort to woo them back. Get the picture? Your ex will find you if they want to.
And even if you can talk your way back into your ex's arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. The worst part is that your ex already knows you want them back, and they don't care about it. All the love in the world can’t change that. Take that as a sign, and walk away for good.

5. Avoid their territory
Don't stray into your ex's territory. You wouldn't be welcome, and if you find your ex having a great time there, that would only make you feel terrible. Find new places to hang out in, and new memories to keep your mind occupied. Make a few new friends if you have to, anything to stop you from thinking about painful memories.
If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with your ex, you may have to shut them out too, at least temporarily. After some time has passed, when you feel you're ready to move on, you can go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with your mutual friends

6. Stay a mile away from loneliness
We all need time by ourselves after a traumatic event, but whatever you do, don't let yourself be alone for too long. Surrounding yourself with people again, whether it's friends, family or co-workers, will help immensely in healing your broken heart.
It may be difficult at first, but force yourself to be with people after you've spent an appropriate amount of time alone. This is the best thing that can help you overcome your pain.
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